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A common issue in relationships where couples struggle with conflict or parents find it challenging to manage defiant children is the lack of validation. By validating others, we do more than acknowledge their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. We make a meaningful impact on their sense of connection and understanding. This builds trust and deepens emotional bonds.
The Power of Validation in Building Strong Relationships
Validation isn’t just a tiny gesture; it’s a foundational tool that fosters safety, understanding, and emotional connection in relationships. When we validate someone’s feelings, we make them feel seen, valued, and accepted, which builds trust and confidence. Validation is essential because it helps individuals feel acknowledged, heard, and appreciated, enhancing emotional bonds.
Validation plays a powerful role in creating emotional safety. It strengthens self-worth and encourages healthy emotional regulation. It fosters trust and promotes open communication and vulnerability. Validation also helps in developing empathy and understanding. Yet, several pitfalls can prevent genuine validation, like:
- Focusing on solutions rather than listening
- Minimizing or dismissing feelings as unimportant
- Avoiding emotions due to discomfort
- Making it about yourself instead of the other person
- Judging or criticizing instead of empathizing
- Taking things personally rather than staying supportive
Learning to validate effectively can be challenging, especially if we haven’t received much validation ourselves. Figuring out what to say at first feels awkward. Yet, with practice, validation becomes a powerful skill. This skill fosters stronger, more resilient connections.
This guide offers 66 examples of validating others, including examples for partners, children, and teens. It also explains how to comfort those grieving the loss of a loved one. I don’t expect you to read this entire article. Use it as a reference guide to improve your relationship with your partner or children. You can also use it to prepare to console someone who has lost a loved one.
Use the buttons below to jump ahead to the different validation examples.
Validating in Intimate Relationships
Validation is about recognizing and affirming your partner’s feelings without judgment. Below are some examples of how couples can effectively validate each other’s feelings. Validation goes beyond agreement. It’s about truly acknowledging that their emotions are real. Even if you would feel differently in the same situation, this helps create a safe, supportive space for each partner.
Acknowledging the Emotion
Example: “I can see that you’re feeling really stressed about this deadline. That sounds overwhelming.”
Purpose: This shows you’re paying attention and acknowledging their stress without offering solutions right away.
Empathizing with Their Experience
Example: “It makes sense that you’d feel hurt after what happened. I would feel the same way in your position.”
Purpose: By putting yourself in their shoes, you’re showing empathy and understanding of their emotional experience.
Reflecting Their Feelings Back
Example: “So you’re feeling frustrated because it feels like I didn’t consider your opinion. Is that right?”
Purpose: This helps clarify their feelings and ensures that you’re truly understanding what they’re experiencing.
Normalizing Their Feelings
Example: “I think anyone in your situation would feel that way. It’s okay to feel this way.”
Purpose: This shows that their feelings are valid and reasonable, helping them feel less isolated or wrong for feeling a certain way.
Expressing Gratitude for Their Vulnerability
Example: “Thank you for sharing that with me. I know it’s not easy to open up, and I really appreciate it.”
Purpose: By recognizing the courage it took to share, you’re helping them feel safe to express emotions in the future.
Validating Through Support and Reassurance
Example: “I’m here for you, and we’ll get through this together. I want to help however I can.”
Purpose: This reassures your partner that they’re not alone and that you’re committed to being by their side.
Recognizing Anxiety or Worry
Example: “I can see that you’re really anxious about this work presentation. I know how much effort you put into it, and it’s normal to feel this way.”
Purpose: Acknowledging the partner’s hard work and the pressure they feel shows empathy and respect for their feelings.
Affirming Happiness or Success
Example: “You seem really happy about this promotion, and you deserve every bit of it. I’m so proud of you!”
Purpose: This shows that their partner recognizes and shares in their joy, reinforcing support and admiration.
Validating Frustration Over Chores or Responsibilities
Example: “I know it’s frustrating when it feels like you’re handling most of the housework. I appreciate all you do, and I’d like us to find a way to balance it better.”
Purpose: By validating their partner’s frustration, this response shows understanding and opens the door to collaborative problem-solving.
Understanding Sadness or Disappointment
Example: “I know you were really looking forward to that weekend trip, and it’s disappointing that we had to cancel. I feel disappointed too.”
Purpose: Sharing in the disappointment without trying to fix or dismiss it helps the partner feel understood and less alone.
Validating Hurt Feelings After an Argument
Example: “I realize I hurt your feelings when I raised my voice. I’m sorry, and I understand why that upset you.”
Purpose: This acknowledges the impact of the partner’s actions and validates their feelings, helping repair any emotional damage.
Empathizing with Work or Career Stress
Example: “I can tell that work has been really overwhelming lately. It sounds exhausting, and it’s completely understandable to feel burned out.”
Purpose: Validating work-related stress shows that you respect their efforts and emotions, offering them a safe space to unwind.
Recognizing the Need for Personal Space
Example: “I get that you need some time alone to recharge after a busy week. I want you to have that space.”
Purpose: This shows understanding of the partner’s boundaries and unique needs, validating their desire for personal time without taking it personally.
Acknowledging Insecurities
Example: “I understand why you feel a bit insecure about meeting my family. It’s normal to feel that way, and I’m here to support you.”
Purpose: By validating insecurities, the partner shows compassion and nonjudgment, creating an emotionally safe environment.
Accepting Moments of Vulnerability
Example: “Thank you for sharing that with me. I know it’s hard for you to open up, and I really value that you trust me with how you feel.”
Purpose: Acknowledging a partner’s vulnerability strengthens trust and reinforces the connection between both partners.
Recognizing Efforts and Small Achievements
Example: “I noticed how much effort you put into making dinner tonight, even though you were exhausted. I really appreciate that.”
Purpose: By recognizing small gestures, you show that you see and value your partner’s efforts, which can strengthen mutual appreciation and respect
Validation with Children and Teens
Validation is essential for children and teens in building trust, emotional security, and a sense of self-worth. When you validate your children and teens, you empower their cognitive development. You also strengthen their emotional regulation skills. These skills prepare them to navigate the stressors they encounter now. They will continue to need these skills in the future as they develop into adults.
Examples of Validating Children
Validating children in their early years is crucial because it establishes a foundation of emotional security, self-worth, and cognitive flexibility. During this formative period, children are learning how to understand and express their emotions, form a sense of identity, and interpret their interactions with others. Parental validation plays a key role in supporting healthy mental, emotional, and cognitive development.
Below are several examples of when and how to validate your child.
Acknowledging Fear or Worry
Example: “It’s okay to feel a little scared about the first day of school. New things can be really hard, and it’s normal to feel nervous.”
Purpose: This lets them know their feelings are understood and that fear is a normal response to new situations.
Recognizing Frustration
Example: “I see you’re upset because the game didn’t go the way you wanted. That’s really frustrating.”
Purpose: By naming their frustration, you help them feel seen and teach them the language to express emotions.
Empathizing with Disappointment
Example: “I know you’re disappointed that we can’t go to the park today. I’m disappointed too. We’ll make it work another day.”
Purpose: This reinforces that their feelings are valid, showing you understand their perspective.
Affirming Sadness or Loneliness
Example: “It’s okay to feel sad if your friend couldn’t come over. Sometimes plans change, and it can feel lonely when they do.”
Purpose: This lets them feel safe in expressing sadness and normalizes the feeling.
Validating Sadness Over Small Losses
Example: “I know you’re sad because your balloon popped. That was special to you, and it’s okay to feel disappointed.”
Purpose: This helps children understand that all feelings, even over “small” things, are valid and worth acknowledging.
Empathizing with Feeling Left Out
Example: “It hurts to feel left out when your friends are playing without you. I get it. I’m here if you want to talk about it or need a hug.”
Purpose: By acknowledging their sadness, you’re creating a safe space for them to express feelings of exclusion.
Understanding Embarrassment or Self-Consciousness
Example: “It’s okay to feel embarrassed if you made a mistake in class. Everyone makes mistakes, and it doesn’t mean you’re not smart.”
Purpose: Validating embarrassment helps children develop resilience and understand that it’s okay to feel vulnerable.
Affirming Frustration with Schoolwork
Example: “I can see you’re frustrated with this math problem. It’s tough, and you’ve been working really hard on it.”
Purpose: Acknowledging their effort without pushing them too hard shows support and patience.
Recognizing Tiredness or Overstimulation
Example: “It seems like you’re feeling tired after a long day. Sometimes when we’re tired, everything feels a bit harder.”
Purpose: This lets children know it’s okay to feel worn out and teaches them to listen to their own needs.
Validating Curiosity and Desire for Independence
Example: “I can see you want to try tying your shoes by yourself. It’s great that you’re excited to learn new things on your own!”
Purpose: Encouraging independence while validating their desire to try on their own builds confidence and self-esteem.
Acknowledging Anxiety Over Trying Something New
Example: “It’s okay to feel nervous about going to the new camp. It’s a big change, and I know you’re brave for trying.”
Purpose: This validates their apprehension and reassures them that it’s okay to feel uncertain.
Accepting Expressions of Joy and Excitement
Example: “I can tell you’re really excited about going to the zoo! I’m excited too. Let’s make a plan for all the animals you want to see!”
Purpose: By sharing in their excitement, you validate their joy and encourage positive expression.
Acknowledging Disappointment When Things Don’t Go as Expected
Example: “I know you were really looking forward to the movie, and it’s disappointing that it got canceled. It’s okay to feel sad about it.”
Purpose: This shows them that disappointment is a normal part of life and that it’s okay to express those feelings.
Understanding Impatience
Example: “I get that waiting can be really hard, especially when you’re excited for something. It’s okay to feel impatient sometimes.”
Purpose: Validating impatience helps them recognize it as a natural feeling, without encouraging impulsivity.
Examples of Validating Teens
Parental validation during the teen years is crucial for development and relationship building because it lays the foundation for emotional security, self-esteem, and open communication. Adolescence is a time of significant change, with teens navigating new experiences, emotions, and a budding sense of independence.
Below are several examples of when and how to validate your teen.
Validating Stress and Pressure
Example: “I can see that you’re feeling a lot of pressure with school and activities. Balancing everything can be really tough.”
Purpose: By acknowledging their stress, you show respect for their efforts and understanding of their challenges.
Understanding Rebellion or Frustration with Rules
Example: “I get that it’s frustrating to have these rules, and sometimes it feels like you don’t have enough freedom. I felt the same way as a teenager.”
Purpose: This helps them feel understood rather than controlled, reducing resistance to boundaries.
Empathizing with Relationship and Friendship Issues
Example: “It sounds like you’re feeling hurt and confused after what happened with your friend. That’s really painful, and I’m here if you want to talk more about it.”
Purpose: This shows empathy for their social challenges and lets them know they have your support.
Normalizing Identity and Self-Expression
Example: “Exploring who you are and what you like is a big part of being a teenager. It’s okay if you feel unsure sometimes.”
Purpose: This validation reassures them that uncertainty is part of growing up and that self-discovery is a safe process.
Recognizing Anxiety about the Future
Example: “I can tell you’re feeling anxious about college and what’s next. That’s a lot to think about, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed.”
Purpose: Validating their fears about the future acknowledges that their concerns are valid and shows you’re there to support them through it.
Acknowledging Social Anxiety or Nervousness
Example: “I know going to a new school can be nerve-wracking, especially when you don’t know anyone yet. It’s totally understandable to feel anxious.”
Purpose: This shows empathy for the natural anxiety of social situations and reassures them that it’s okay to feel this way.
Validating Stress from Academic Pressure
Example: “I can see how much effort you’re putting into your schoolwork, and I know it’s a lot to manage. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes.”
Purpose: Acknowledging their hard work without pressure to “just keep pushing” helps them feel seen and supported.
Understanding the Frustration of Curfews or Rules
Example: “I know having a curfew feels restrictive. I get that you want more freedom, and that’s completely normal at your age.”
Purpose: Recognizing their desire for independence shows that you understand their perspective, even if boundaries remain.
Validating Body Image Concerns
Example: “I know you’re feeling self-conscious, and that’s a really tough feeling. A lot of people struggle with body image, especially in high school.”
Purpose: This reassures them that their feelings are normal and provides a safe space for discussion without judgment.
Empathizing with Relationship or Friendship Issues
Example: “It sounds like things with your friend have been tense, and I know that can be really painful. Friendships can be challenging, especially when you’re both going through changes.”
Purpose: This acknowledges the importance of their social life and the emotional impact of friendship struggles.
Affirming Their Individuality and Choices
Example: “I know you’re exploring new styles and interests, and I think it’s great that you’re figuring out who you are. It’s totally normal to want to express yourself in different ways.”
Purpose: This validation supports their identity exploration and helps them feel accepted.
Recognizing Their Need for Privacy
Example: “I get that you want some time alone and a little space. I understand that, and I’ll be here if you need me.”
Purpose: Respecting their need for independence helps reinforce trust and reduces feelings of intrusion.
Validating Feelings of Disappointment or Failure
Example: “It’s okay to feel disappointed that you didn’t make the team. It sounds like it meant a lot to you, and it’s normal to feel upset about it.”
Purpose: This allows them to feel their disappointment without brushing it aside or minimizing it, giving them room to process.
Empathizing with Romantic Feelings or Heartbreak
Example: “I know this breakup hurts, and it’s completely natural to feel heartbroken. It can be really hard to go through this.”
Purpose: By validating their romantic feelings, you respect their experience as meaningful, rather than dismissing it as a “teen thing.”
Validating Frustration with Family Dynamics
Example: “I know things with your siblings can get intense, and it’s hard to keep the peace all the time. Sibling relationships can be challenging.”
Purpose: This shows empathy for their situation at home and acknowledges their perspective.
Accepting Expressions of Anger or Irritability
Example: “I can see you’re feeling really frustrated, and I get that. You’ve got a lot going on, and that can be overwhelming.”
Purpose: This allows them to express anger in a healthy way and acknowledges the underlying causes without jumping to correction.
Recognizing Identity Questions and Exploration
Example: “It’s okay to question things about yourself and explore different aspects of who you are. A lot of people go through this, and it’s a normal part of growing up.”
Purpose: This validates their self-exploration, providing reassurance that their journey of self-discovery is healthy and respected.
Understanding Anxiety About the Future
Example: “I get why you’re anxious about college applications. There’s a lot at stake, and it’s normal to feel uncertain.”
Purpose: This validates their stress about the future, which can feel heavy and overwhelming, offering reassurance without dismissing their concerns.
Validating the Bereaved: Supporting Those Who Have Lost a Loved One
Validating someone who has lost a loved one can be challenging for several reasons. You may fear saying the wrong thing. You might have discomfort with intense emotions. There may be pressure to make it better. You could have limited experience with loss. Grief is deeply personal and complex. Knowing what to say or not say to support a grieving person isn’t always clear.
If you have suffered a similar loss, your experience with loss isn’t always what the other is experiencing. That’s why the statement, “I know what you are going through” is inaccurate. Everyone experiences loss uniquely, even if the circumstances surrounding the loss are the same in all factors.
Examine the examples below for ways to validate and console those who are grieving the loss of a loved one.
“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.”
Purpose: Shows empathy without pretending to fully understand their unique pain, affirming that their experience is real and difficult.
“It’s completely normal to feel a wide range of emotions, even conflicting ones, and it’s okay to experience them all.”
Purpose: Validates the complexity of grief, helping the person feel less self-conscious about their varied emotional responses.
“I’m here for you if you ever want to talk, cry, or just sit in silence.”
Purpose: Demonstrates a willingness to be supportive on their terms. It ensures they know they’re not alone. They can process in their own way.
“There’s no timeline for grief. Take all the time you need to feel what you need to feel.”
Purpose: Eases any pressure they might feel to “move on.” It reassures them that their process is valid, no matter how long it takes.
“Your relationship with [their loved one] was so special, and it’s understandable to feel the depth of this loss.”
Purpose: Acknowledges the significance of their connection to the deceased, affirming the meaningfulness of their bond.
“It’s okay if some days feel harder than others, even after some time has passed.”
Purpose: Normalizes the unpredictable nature of grief, helping them feel less alone or frustrated by recurring waves of sorrow.
“You loved them, and that love doesn’t disappear. It’s okay to hold on to that while you grieve.”
Purpose: It reassures them that love can persist. This love is a part of their healing. It validates any feelings of guilt about “moving forward.”
“Please know that I’m here to support you, in whatever way feels right for you.”
Purpose: Offers unconditional support, empowering them to navigate their grief at their own pace and in their own style.
“This must be incredibly painful, and I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you right now.”
Purpose: Acknowledges the intensity of their pain. This helps them feel that their feelings are recognized. It also validates their suffering.
“I’m here for you, whether you want to talk, sit in silence, or need some company. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Purpose: Offers a non-judgmental presence, which reassures them that they have support without pressure to respond in a particular way.
“Grief is different for everyone, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel or express it. Take all the time you need.”
Purpose: Normalizes their experience and emphasizes that there’s no timeline, giving them permission to grieve in their own unique way.
“Losing someone you love is profoundly difficult, and it’s okay to feel angry, sad, numb, or anything else. All of it is part of grieving.”
Purpose: Validates the complexity of grief. It reassures them that all emotions are acceptable. This reduces feelings of shame or confusion about their reactions.
“They were such a big part of your life, and it’s understandable that their absence is overwhelming. Anyone in your shoes would feel the same way.”
Purpose: Acknowledges the importance of their lost loved one. It affirms the significance of their grief. It also recognizes the impact of the relationship they shared.
“If there’s ever a time when you want to share memories or talk about them, I’d be honored to listen.”
Purpose: Opens the door to storytelling, which can be a meaningful way to honor the person’s memory. It shows you’re interested in understanding their loss more deeply.
“It’s okay to have moments where you feel relief, guilt, joy, or even laughter. Grieving doesn’t mean you can’t have these moments too.”
Purpose: Encourages them to accept mixed emotions, validating that it’s normal for grief to include moments of seemingly contradictory feelings.
“I can see how much they meant to you and how much you loved them. That love is still here, even in their absence.”
Purpose: Affirms the strength of their bond. It shows that their love for the person who passed away is enduring. Their relationship remains important.
“It’s natural to feel like you could have done more, and it’s part of grieving to question things. But remember, you did what you could out of love, and they knew that.”
Purpose: It addresses common feelings of guilt in grief. It helps them release self-blame. This is done by reminding them of the care they showed in their relationship.
“I don’t have the right words, but I want you to know that I’m here for you, and I care about you.”
Purpose: Shows that you’re present and supportive, even if you’re unsure what to say. This honesty can be comforting, especially when words often feel inadequate during loss.
Validation is more than a small gesture; it’s a foundational tool that fosters safety, understanding, and emotional connection in relationships. By validating someone’s feelings, we help them feel seen, valued, and accepted, which builds trust and confidence. This process is essential in making loved ones feel acknowledged and appreciated, ultimately enhancing emotional bonds. The article provides 66 practical examples of validation for partners, children, teens, and those experiencing grief. These examples help you strengthen connections and create meaningful support for those closest to you.
